Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
