He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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