Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize