remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
