No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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