idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
is wine microwaveable?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
