He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
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If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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