she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
