i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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