whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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