well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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