theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
