A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
