just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
