very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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