i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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