I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it hurts more in the daytime
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
