The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
