sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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