He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
