Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
