and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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