Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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