I think i peed on brittanys purse
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
