What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
