That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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