I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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