How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
