This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
