I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
