I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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