I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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