I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Actions speak louder than pants.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
