A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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