I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
