but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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