my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
