what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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