If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
