ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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