masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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