I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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