How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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