Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
how does that bad decision feel?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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