As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
