I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
