were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
