So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
and you said cock pushups were impossible
operation harelip BJ is a go
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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