my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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