We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
