we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
