i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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