The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
