I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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