the condom got lost in my hair
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
