GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
