The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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