I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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