just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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