i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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