Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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