I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
